Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A New Perspective
It's amazing how much your life changes when you have a baby. Your thoughts are different, your actions are different. It's like you're a whole new person. Let me might add that your life changes after you get married. You learn how to live with another person, share your life and personal space, compromise, and the list goes on.
My life really changed when I met my husband. I was going through some hard times, maybe not really living like I should. I'm a saved individual of Christ and I was definitely not living that way. My family life definitely wasn't the greatest. Then Corey came along. He didn't seem to care about all that stuff, he just seemed to care about me. He made me see things differently and act differently. Act in a way that I probably should have been acting all along. Corey is a preacher so you might say that his actions might be scrutinized a little more than others and if I was gonna date him than my actions were most likely gonna be scrutinized as well. He showed me how to love unconditionally and be there for people. He has helped my trust issues and shown me that someone can be there for you all the time. Corey has helped turn my life around for the better and I love him for that. I probably don't say it enough or show him as much I should but if you're reading this honey, I appreciate everything you have done for me and continue to do for me.
Now onto having a baby. We were surprised when we found out we were pregnant. It was not planned but we were happy none the less. We worried throughout the pregnancy of whether or not we were gonna be good parents and what parenting would be like. It's somewhat different than what we were thinking, but in a good way. I love being the mother to my beautiful little girl. I thank God everyday for letting me be her mother and I strive to raise her in the way that God would want me to. Sadie is such a happy, bubbly little girl already at almost 6 months (really!, half a year already!!).
Your whole world changes when you have a baby, from the way you speak to the way you see things and your perspectives on everything. I watch Law and Order: SVU and I probably shouldn't because it makes me so sad thinking if something that would happen to my baby. I also dreamt the other day that some strange man came into our room, picked her up and threatened to take her. It FREAKED me out! The love you have for your baby is so strong that it hurts just thinking about something bad happening to them. I definitely have that momma bear mentality and now know how my mom feels about us.
Your world not only changes with thoughts about your baby but the way you see yourself. I believe I have dealed with a little bit of post partum depression. Not a whole lot, I mean I love my baby and love doing everything for her but there are times when I have felt really down. My self image definitely took a turn for the worse. Before pregnancy, I was always a skinny person and could wear the small sizes of clothes and look pretty decent in them but boy did that change after pregnancy. I really enjoyed looking pregnant because I wanted everyone to know I was but after I had Sadie my expectations of what I would look like were not met. I had to have a C-section and when I got home from the hospital and saw my stomach for the first time I was in horror. Stretch marks unfortunatley took over at the end of my 7 months of pregnancy and when I saw the saggy pouch that was left over I almost wanted to cry. I did not feel attractive although my husband told me everyday that I was. I didn't have a body image and it's something I'm still dealing with. When I went to buy some new clothes after the pregnancy, it was kinda shock to me to buy the size of pants that I had to buy. I've never been one who worried much about my body but all of a sudden I noticed everything ugly about it and just wanted to hide. My thoughts are getting better as I'm losing more weight and my clothes are fitting better but it's something I still struggle with. I've kinda slowly started to work out but it's hard to get motivated. I do hope to be slimmer by November for my brother in laws wedding though.
A baby also makes you more mature, or well it should. I'm 23 but I still feel young sometimes, like I'm not old enough to be married or have a baby. But marriage and a baby cause you to grow up. I remember reconnecting with an old friend, we were best friends for 14 years, had a big fight, didn't speak to each other for about 4 years and then I decided to reconnect with her. It was amazing to me that she still acted like she did 4 years ago. It made me kinda sad. I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to mature and become an adult. I'm thankful that I'm able to raise my precious baby girl and that she has given me a whole new perspective on life and the things I do.
Posted by Alyssa at 9:31 AM